MAKE LAUGHTER FUN AGAIN
Trust No One - Dad hat
$29.99
Size guide+
Swipe sideways to see the full size chart.
Size guide
| A (inches) | B (inches) | C (inches) | D (inches) | |
| One size | 20 ½-24 ⅜ | 4 ¾ | 3 ⅛ | 7 ½ |
Shipping & returns+
Delivery costs and available options are calculated at checkout. Please check sizing carefully and review our return policy before ordering.
Product details+
They’re watching. Probably reading this right now.
But at least your head will be protected — from UV rays, the deep state, and whatever’s living in your neighbor’s basement. This isn’t just a hat. It’s a portable paranoia shield, handcrafted for the brave few who question why pigeons recharge on power lines and why Mountain Dew glows under blacklight.
Features include:
👁️ One embroidered eyeball that blinks only when you’re right.
👽 Conspiracy-grade stitching (confirmed by three anonymous sources).
🛸 Built-in resistance to mind-control frequencies (unverified but feels real).
Put it on. Adjust it. Whisper “they’ll never take me alive.”
You’re not crazy — you’re just early. 👀
(MLFA embroidered on the side small as well)
• 100% chino cotton twill
• Green Camo color is 35% chino cotton twill, 65% polyester
• Unstructured, 6-panel, low-profile
• 6 embroidered eyelets
• 3 ⅛” (7.6 cm) crown
• Adjustable strap with antique buckle
• Blank product sourced from Vietnam or Bangladesh
This product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!
But at least your head will be protected — from UV rays, the deep state, and whatever’s living in your neighbor’s basement. This isn’t just a hat. It’s a portable paranoia shield, handcrafted for the brave few who question why pigeons recharge on power lines and why Mountain Dew glows under blacklight.
Features include:
👁️ One embroidered eyeball that blinks only when you’re right.
👽 Conspiracy-grade stitching (confirmed by three anonymous sources).
🛸 Built-in resistance to mind-control frequencies (unverified but feels real).
Put it on. Adjust it. Whisper “they’ll never take me alive.”
You’re not crazy — you’re just early. 👀
(MLFA embroidered on the side small as well)
• 100% chino cotton twill
• Green Camo color is 35% chino cotton twill, 65% polyester
• Unstructured, 6-panel, low-profile
• 6 embroidered eyelets
• 3 ⅛” (7.6 cm) crown
• Adjustable strap with antique buckle
• Blank product sourced from Vietnam or Bangladesh
This product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!